It had been a few months since I heard from my good friend, Natty Bumpo, OD, of Finster, NJ. A few days ago I received an extraordinary letter from him. It seems he had read a short article in one of our major optical publications and it stimulated his memories of when he practiced in a large city near Finster, which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. The article in question reported that optometric practices in the Phoenix, AZ area were victimized by a series of sunglass burglaries. To this date, there are no leads on the perpetrators. A well known Arizona optometrist, who also had been burglarized twice in one week, offered some tips on security to interested readers.

Natty writes, "In comparison with some of my experiences during the late '50s and early '60s, our Arizona complainer is a wimp and a sorry sounding sissy. They were the years that the youth of our country were dissatisfied and rebellious,” said Natty. “Drugs were becoming more commonplace, hand guns were easily available and gang wars made the headlines every day.”

“One day I discovered a bullet hole near my front door. A short time later I was called at an ungodly late hour by the police to inform me that my office had been burglarized and I was asked to estimate what was damaged and what had been purloined. Some frame samples were missing, but I was shocked to discover that the culprit had rifled through my refrigerator and proceeded to drink the contents of a bottle of Osmoglyn, hoping for an exotic high. I kept it refrigerated to preserve its strength in cases requiring quick reduction of high intraocular pressures."

I could imagine Natty chuckling to himself knowing that the side effects of this drug are nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.     

Natty continued, “Drug users were asking about plano ‘dark’ glasses, which I guessed they needed to hide pupillary changes and tearing particularly associated with marijuana users. On one occasion I noticed two pictures missing from my reception area. It was mysterious until I walked into the area the following day and came upon a man calmly removing another picture from the wall and was in the act of secreting it under his jacket. I confronted him and suggested that perhaps he ought to replace the picture and never return to the office again. He quietly replaced the picture and, as if in a trance, walked unsteadily out of the office.”

“Another time a rather expensive signature frame was stolen from my sample board. The very next day a neighborhood lady came to the office with that very frame and asked to have her prescription lenses inserted in it. When I informed her that it was a stolen frame she replied that her husband purchased it for her as a present. I told her that it would be more appropriate for her husband to come to the office, identify the frame and produce the receipt. They did not return so I returned the frame to my stock."     

"Teenagers from rival gangs," Natty described, "would occasionally enter my office, stand nervously near the door and seek my protection from their rivals. I made it known in the neighborhood that my office was off limits to gang warfare. There were a spate of incidents wherein optometric offices were incorrectly considered as places where drugs were stored and used. As a result, known drug abusers murdered two neighborhood optometrists in their quest for drugs. Another optometrist was shot in the head and the bullet still remains lodged in his cranium, even at this moment of writing. He miraculously survived and is now retired."

Natty went on to explain how he had reported his suspicion of a caller who wanted to be his last appointment of the day; Natty called the police and requested surveillance. A plainclothes policeman arrived and hid in the lavatory in order to watch the office area at a suitable vantage point. The suspect turned out to be a no-show. However, the policeman mentioned that Natty's idea of carrying a revolver may not be a good one. He felt that a bearer of a gun could be killed by an underworld person merely for the sake of acquiring the gun. He added that the best ploy is to keep a roll of bills handy to satisfy the robber's motives.     

The writer of the initial eyecare article, to which we referred at the outset, mentioned two important bits of advice: make sure your motion detectors as well as other sensors cover the entire area of your office. Don't install security glass window film before the glass break sensors. Natty informed me of his experience with alarm buttons connected directly to a security center. Hidden buttons were located in various parts of the office. One such alarm was placed on the floor under his desk so that he would be able to show his hands but allow his foot to trigger the alarm.

At first, it created a lot of trouble, as Natty reveals. "On a few occasions I touched the button accidentally, and to my consternation, found the police at my doorstep with guns drawn. Even when I assured them that it was an error they moved me to one side and carefully searched every nook and cranny. You see, they felt that a victim will lie that everything is okay while a bandit is nearby pointing a gun at his head. My dear, innocent cleaning person had not been informed of the new addition to the office and accidentally touched a button. She called me later in the day, describing her terror when police arrived and questioned her diligently. She was too loyal to quit so I squeaked by that one with a sigh of relief."     

"One day," Natty recalled, “a patient's actions caused a violent fluttering of a red flag to appear before my mind's eye. He was nervous and especially agitated when I requested his current spectacles in order to neutralize them. He was a Minus 6.00 diopter myope and erupted into an excited condition. I was able to calm him down and completed the exam. He commented that it was the best exam he had ever received. His visit ended abruptly as he attacked me with a large wrench and caused me to suffer a head wound. 

Fortunately, following a short chase, he was arrested not far from the office. A very high bail was set and the would be assassin was incarcerated. As far as I know he is still serving his sentence. My scalp wound was treated with seven stitches at a nearby hospital and I completely recovered, with no complications."     

Natty's adventures reminded me of an article I had prepared for the Pennsylvania Optometrist some time ago. Questionnaires were sent to optometric societies which housed large, inner city, urban practices and requested information about their experiences regarding crimes against ophthalmic practitioners. Their comments were an impressive reflection of Natty's observations of the big city gone bad. 

My respondents, however, all agreed that those areas where crime was least recorded shared a similar condition. They reported that in those crime free communities there exists a close knit and friendly neighbor philosophy. Strangers were identified, greeted and asked if they needed help with directions. This profiling alerted would be perpetrators that they were being watched. The result was a significant reduction of criminal events in those communities.