|
The phrase, “The $64,000 Question” is ingrained in the shared cultural literacy of American society. It has come to mean “the ultimate question” regarding a particularly difficult or puzzling problem or predicament. I have heard some young people use the phrase correctly, but I bet they have no idea of its origin.
|
The $64,000 Question was a television game show that aired in the United States on CBS between 1955 and 1958. Similar to today’s game shows, contestants were asked progressively more difficult questions, could leave at any point with their winnings, and if they made it past 10 questions they could leave with what they had earned up to that point ($32,000) or risk it for the $64,000 question.
Instead of writing about the latest personalized progressive lens or the next generation of contact lenses - in an effort to lighten up a bit - I thought I would share some ultimate questions I have been asked as a front-line Eye Care Professional – ultimately unbelievable that is. As you can imagine, with nearly thirty years of dispensing under my belt I have been asked quite a few off the wall questions – some funny, some crazy, some stupid, some sad; and I thought it might be fun to share a few here. I want to stress a few things first though: First, I ain’t making any of these up! Don’t have to. Truth truly is stranger than fiction.
Second, I will also share with you my response to each of the questions. On a serious note, I believe as professionals, when asked what we might be tempted to label a stupid or crazy question, generally speaking the best response is a straightforward, non-sarcastic one. Of course sometimes it’s just too tempting. |
|
Third and finally, I challenge you to share with me some of the memorable questions you have been asked by patients. E-mail me your contributions and we’ll consider a follow-up article to share them with the rest of the ECP world.
(anthonydrecord@gmail.com)
My first experience with potentially challenging questions occurred very early on in my career when I was still an apprentice. A college-aged, potential patient was browsing our frames. Naturally, I asked him, “How may I help you?” He responded with a question of his own,
“Do you have any round frames?” At the time, in the early 1980s, the closest we had to round frames were some modified P3 shapes, which I showed him. He raised his voice and frustratingly said, “These aren’t round! Roundness has no degree…they’re either round or they’re not! What the hell is wrong with you people?” With that he stormed out. I didn’t even get a chance to respond to the actual question, but that taught me early on two valuable lessons: Respond directly and specifically to what is being asked, and that (some) people are crazy!
I wish I had a dollar for how many times I have answered the phone during what most people would think normal business hours, only to be asked, “Are you open?” That one might not be so remarkable on a holiday or during some severe weather, but then I would hope for, “Just calling to make sure you were open.” I have always resisted the temptation to say, “No, we’re closed today. I just came in to answer the phone in case anyone called to see if we were open so I could tell them we were closed.” No, I simply reply with, “Yes ma’am, we are open ‘til six o’clock.” (Notice I don’t say, we CLOSE at six; rather, we’re OPEN ‘til six. That’s much more positive and welcoming…it’s the “Disney” answer.)
This one is more appreciated when you realize my dispensary has over 1,400 frames on display. At least a couple times a year someone will pop in the door and ask,
“Do you sell glasses here?” No sorry, we don’t. That’s what I’m thinking. What comes out of my mouth is
“Yes, what kind do you need?”
“How come I can’t see out of any of these?” This is asked while trying on display frames with demo lenses. That one never fails to bring a smile to my face. I want to say, keep trying a few more on, I’m sure you’ll find the one that’s just right for you. Instead, a simple 30-second lesson about simple display lenses vs. prescription lenses is usually the appropriate response.
I’m sure those of you who practice somewhere other than the South have some good stories and questions to share, but I’m thinking no one in urban Chicago, for example, has ever been asked what a fellow Floridian asked me a few months ago:
“Do y’all sell them bifokey transcribers?” Now for a split nanosecond it didn’t register, then it did. He was wearing FT-28s, so (genius that I am) I deduced he meant bifocal Transitions. My erudite response: Absolutely! Which is the same thing I say when asked if I fill subscriptions.
“Are you the obstetrician?” Another personal favorite, this one does present a bit of a dilemma. On the one hand (knowing they are in search of an eye-guy), my own advice states I should probably just say, “Yes, that’s me.” On the other hand, I’ve always worried that if I said that, the next thing the patient says might be, “I sure do hope your stirrups aren’t as cold as the last guy’s!” Therefore, I have always opted to pretend the patient had said it right. I reply, “Yes, that’s me. I’m the optician.” By the way, while most of the time the person asking that question is female…not always.
In a weird kind of semi-related way, I’ve been asked this one dozens of times:
“How much for a screw?” In the spirit of complete honesty I must confess that one time I simply could not help myself. I said, “Oh no, it’s illegal to charge for a screw in the state of Florida.” Not quite getting it, the woman said “really?” I told her not to worry. I said I’d be glad to do it for her at no charge.
Before I share with you what I believe is the piece de resistance – the one unique question I feel no other optician has ever been asked - allow me to share a few others in my own version of The $64,000 Question Lightning Round. Here goes: Can you fix my arms? Can you tighten my legs? You’re not a real doctor are you? Do you have any frames that will make me look younger? (…or smarter…or more beautiful? I’m an optician, not a magician seems the “appropriate” answer). How much are glasses? Do you carry polybicarbonate glasses? Do you have glasses that will help the stigma in my eyes? Do you guys sell Transgression lenses? Are eye exams free? Is that 3:00 pm? [That was in response to our receptionist phoning the patient to confirm her scheduled appointment for an eye exam the next day.] Do you have any plastic frames made out of metal? Can you order be some Bobby Holly frames?
I imagine there are many others that have slipped my mind, and I cannot wait to hear from the rest of you with your gems (remember, email them to
anthonydrecord@gmail.com). Until then, I will leave you with the most absurd comment/question ever to be uttered across my dispensing table, after the prescribing doctor had re-examined and changed his prescription three or four times: They got to you, didn’t they? They don’t want me to see! You took money from them, didn’t you? How could you? That diatribe came from an elderly Jewish man, who was referring to Nazis (real or imagined) who he felt were still tormenting him 40 years after World War II. That experience was neither funny or stupid; merely unique and sad. I look forward to all of yours.
|
